Posts tagged dog jokes

Dog Rules

July 11, 2008 · Filed under Humor · Tagged ,

  • Visitors
    • Quickly determine which guest is afraid of dogs. Charge across the room, barking loudly and leap playfully on this person. If the human falls down on the floor and starts crying, lick its face and growl gently to show your concern.

     

  • Barking
    • Because you are a dog, you are expected to bark. So bark — a lot. Your owners will be very happy to hear you protecting their house. Especially late at night while they are sleeping safely in their beds. There is no more secure feeling for a human than to keep waking up in the middle of the night hearing you protective bark, bark, bark…

     

  • Licking
    • Always take a BIG drink from your water dish immediately before licking your human. Humans prefer clean tongues. Be ready to fetch your human a towel.

     

  • Holes
    • Rather than digging a BIG hole in the middle of the yard and upsetting your human, dig a lot of smaller holes all over the yard so they won’t notice. If you arrange a little pile of dirt on one side of each hole, maybe they’ll think it’s gophers. There are never enough holes in the ground. Strive daily to do your part to help correct this problem.

     

  • Doors
    • The area directly in front of a door is always reserved for the family dog to sleep.

     

  • The Art Of Sniffing
    • Humans like to be sniffed. Everywhere. It is your duty as the family dog to accommodate them.

     

  • Dining Etiquette
    • Always sit under the table at dinner, especially when there are guests, so you can clean up any food that falls on the floor. It’s also a good time to practice your sniffing.

     

  • Housebreaking
    • Housebreaking is very important to humans, so break as much of the house as possible.

     

  • Going For Walks
    • Rules of the road: when out for a walk with your master or mistress, never go to the bathroom on your own lawn.

     

  • Couches
    • It is perfectly permissible to lie on the new couch after all your humans have gone to bed.

     

  • Playing
    • If you lose your footing while chasing a ball or stick, aim for the flowerbed to absorb your fall, so you don’t injure yourself.

     

  • Chasing Cats
    • When chasing cats, make sure you never–quite–catch them. It spoils all the fun.

     

  • Chewing
    • Make a contribution to the fashion industry… eat a shoe.

 

Found at http://www.joke-archives.com/dogs/dogrules.html

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How many dogs does it take to change a light bulb?

June 25, 2008 · Filed under Humor · Tagged , , , ,

Golden Retriever: The sun is shining, the day is young, we’ve got our whole lives ahead of us, and you’re inside worrying about a stupid light bulb?

Border Collie: Just One. And then I’ll replace ALL the wiring that’s not up to code.

Dachshund: You know I can’t reach the stupid lamp.

Rottweiler: Make Me.

Boxer: Who cares? I can still play with my squeaky toys in the dark.

Lab: Oh Me, me me, PLEEEEEEEEZE let me change the light bulb. Can I? Can I? Huh? Huh? Huh? Can I, PLEEEEEEEEZE, PLEASE PLEASE?

German Shepard: I’ll change it as soon as I’ve led these people from the dark, check to make sure I haven’t missed any, and make one more perimeter patrol to see that no one has tried to take advantage of the situation.

Jack Russell: I’ll just pop it in while I am bouncing off the walls.

Cocker Spaniel: Why change it? I can still pee on the carpet in the dark.

Chihuahua: Yo Quiero Taco Bulb.

Pointer: I see it, there it is, there it is, right there–RIGHT THERE

Greyhound: It isn’t moving, who cares?

Australian Shepherd: First, I’ll put all the light bulbs in a little circle.

Poodle: I’ll just blow in the Border Collie’s ear, and he’ll do it. By the time he finishes rewiring the house, my nails will be dry.

Terrier: Let me bark at it for a while to see if it really needs changing.

 

(found at http://plig.org/things/dogs.html)

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